Darkschunt 
Saturday, January 07, 2006
Were crumbs created for ants or ants created for crumbs?
That is the question. I'll repeat it again in case the bold scarlet font is too blinding for your delicate eyes. Were crumbs created for ants or ants created for crumbs?
This is the question that I was suddenly struck with as I dusted a couple of crumbs off my Mars chocolate-topped biscuit. (Thank you, my dear friend, the Crazed Dentist from Adelaide, who gave me that yummy, yummy Mars biscuit. I love Mars. Almost forgot I did. But still do and always will. Snickers just can't cut it like Mars does. Please don't stroke my arm again. I'm sure you and your boyfriend will be reunited very soon.) Those crumbs, I noted, were the perfect size for those little hardworking insects known as ANTS. Have you ever seen a whole bunch of ants working to lift some remnant of food which is roughly the size of half a pizza crust? It's a whole show, with ants running back and forth, and everyone manuevering to do their best to get the pizza crust back home. It's tough work, it's a big drama, a great day for the ants. Congratulations, ants. But why, dear ants, exert yourself so much? Not when you've got these great custom-made takeaway meals called CRUMBS which you can carry all by yourself! Imagine that! No more sharing!
Truly, for who else, if not for ANTS, were crumbs invented? Who else could a single crumb so wholly, so perfectly satisfy? It is the perfect meal for your average ant (and we all know that every ant is an average ant, unless you've been crowned Queen Ant. Or joined the military. And even there, individuality and trendsetters are more or less discouraged.) Easily portable, coming all kinds of flavours and crunchiness, CRUMBS are the way to go.
But then, that got me thinking. This is kind of like the chicken and the egg question. Were CRUMBS invented for ANTS? Or ANTS invented for CRUMBS? After all, crumbs are an inevitable part of life! Every meal is a billion crumbs waiting to happen. Every potato chip is a thousand crumbs waiting to be born. Crumbs everywhere! If we're not careful, our planet will soon be swamped in a sea of crumbs before long! Who will save us? No one wants to nibble on crumbs all day long when they can have a lovely toasted salmon cream and sundried tomato sandwich.But, wait! There are these creatures called ANTS and they come in just the right size for crumbs. You could say they were the perfect target audience to market crumbs to.
So, we are begged to ask again, who was created for whom? Or what was created for whom or who was created for what? Were ants created for crumbs? Or crumbs created for ants? Will we ever know? Will this be one of the questions that philosophers will forever be pondering? Will I ever get a pair of red sneakers with big yellow sunflowers on the toes? Do I even still want sneakers like those? Will I ever start a new craze for red sneakers with yellow sunflowers? Will Joey refrain from rolling her eyes at me for saying that I want them? These questions and more are the questions that haunt me and the philosophers of the ages.
That is the question. I'll repeat it again in case the bold scarlet font is too blinding for your delicate eyes. Were crumbs created for ants or ants created for crumbs?
This is the question that I was suddenly struck with as I dusted a couple of crumbs off my Mars chocolate-topped biscuit. (Thank you, my dear friend, the Crazed Dentist from Adelaide, who gave me that yummy, yummy Mars biscuit. I love Mars. Almost forgot I did. But still do and always will. Snickers just can't cut it like Mars does. Please don't stroke my arm again. I'm sure you and your boyfriend will be reunited very soon.) Those crumbs, I noted, were the perfect size for those little hardworking insects known as ANTS. Have you ever seen a whole bunch of ants working to lift some remnant of food which is roughly the size of half a pizza crust? It's a whole show, with ants running back and forth, and everyone manuevering to do their best to get the pizza crust back home. It's tough work, it's a big drama, a great day for the ants. Congratulations, ants. But why, dear ants, exert yourself so much? Not when you've got these great custom-made takeaway meals called CRUMBS which you can carry all by yourself! Imagine that! No more sharing!
Truly, for who else, if not for ANTS, were crumbs invented? Who else could a single crumb so wholly, so perfectly satisfy? It is the perfect meal for your average ant (and we all know that every ant is an average ant, unless you've been crowned Queen Ant. Or joined the military. And even there, individuality and trendsetters are more or less discouraged.) Easily portable, coming all kinds of flavours and crunchiness, CRUMBS are the way to go.
But then, that got me thinking. This is kind of like the chicken and the egg question. Were CRUMBS invented for ANTS? Or ANTS invented for CRUMBS? After all, crumbs are an inevitable part of life! Every meal is a billion crumbs waiting to happen. Every potato chip is a thousand crumbs waiting to be born. Crumbs everywhere! If we're not careful, our planet will soon be swamped in a sea of crumbs before long! Who will save us? No one wants to nibble on crumbs all day long when they can have a lovely toasted salmon cream and sundried tomato sandwich.But, wait! There are these creatures called ANTS and they come in just the right size for crumbs. You could say they were the perfect target audience to market crumbs to.
So, we are begged to ask again, who was created for whom? Or what was created for whom or who was created for what? Were ants created for crumbs? Or crumbs created for ants? Will we ever know? Will this be one of the questions that philosophers will forever be pondering? Will I ever get a pair of red sneakers with big yellow sunflowers on the toes? Do I even still want sneakers like those? Will I ever start a new craze for red sneakers with yellow sunflowers? Will Joey refrain from rolling her eyes at me for saying that I want them? These questions and more are the questions that haunt me and the philosophers of the ages.
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