Darkschunt

The other day, my mother called. And i asked her how grandma was and she said what my sister said. And that the doctors had given up hope for her. They would be taking her to another doctor on wednesday but from the way she spoke on the phone, I think even she has given up hope. I went online and looked up liver cancer. Most people who have it don't survive it - the best chances they have are 16-18 months and that's only in the best cases. And my grandma isn't exactly the healthiest of all people.
I think mom's taking this the hardest of all.
I just have this sort of hard feeling inside of me the whole night. And I went home that night and I just sat down on my bed and I was just going to sleep when I suddenly remembered my grandma's face and then suddenly I couldn't stop crying.
I think I kind of felt that same way... like somehow we all knew this was it, somehow. And it's not fair! It's not fair! She was all right - she was going to be all right, and then suddenly this happens!
And i was just thinking, please don't let her suffer, please don't let her have any pain... please just let her live a little longer without any pain.
And then I flashedback on one of the times when she was trying to force money onto me and I was refusing to take it and she was like "Hrrnnnt! Just take it! I know you're not trying to cheat me, so take it!"
And that was one of the few times she showed how strong minded she can be, and then I just stopped crying, remembering how although she can seem weak on the outside she's pretty strong inside, and that just kind of made me feel better.
And the moment I stopped crying, immediately i heard one of my flatmates fling his door open and walk outside, and a few moments later I hear Moon Von coming out of her room and I stop and think, "Oh. I hope no one heard me crying."
Hahaha...but the walls shouldn't be that thin! But Moon Von came into my room today to borrow something off me and she was just looking at me in this concerned kind of way.
I don't know, I don't really feel like talking about this to anyone. It's like you want to talk about it, but you don't want to as well, you know? I mentioned it to the Curly Pumpkin while we were buying dinner and she just went kind of quiet and I knew she didn't really know what to say and it was a bit awkward, lol, i feel bad for her, because if it was me, I wouldn't know what to say either. And besides what is there to say? I don't even know what I'd want to hear.