Darkschunt 
Thursday, March 03, 2005
If I Kill You...Would You Still Love Me?
I feel totally exhausted and claustrophobic! Like as if someone just stuffed me in a box and buried me alive and I've just spend the last few hours banging my head against the walls until someone finally let me out. And still recuperating.
Dragged myself out of bed at nine thirty and arrived in uni to suffocate in some totally stuffy room while some middle aged guy with long blonde hair shows us how to operate a video camera. It was fun, but trust me, it is no fun. After staring at a small screen for ages, on my feet with no breakfast and surrounded by people all around my elbows, I look up and realize that there are no windows, the door is closed, the ceiling is very, very close and completely padded, I start sweating, I start to feel the beginnings of hyperventilation, and very, very close to fainting. Not the happy fainting kind where I feel like I'm going to float across the room and fall asleep before I hit the floor, but the kind where I feel like I'm in a cramped coffin and the walls are rapidly closing in on me. I tried to focus on the camera but it was too much and I raced out, almost knocking the Curly Pumpkin who looked like a totally adorable little schoolgirl in her white socks and loafers and denim skirt today as she came into the room. Then I spend the next five minutes with my head between my knees while sitting on the grassy knoll outside the education building before going back to the stuffy room. Then, ten minutes later, I felt like I might just kill myself again. When the tutor suggested a group of us go outside to experiment with the video cam I was the first to second his idea.
And it was sooo much better outside and I got to be on camera while Louise interviewed me about the "friend abuse" which SweetRhapsody has always inflicted on me and I made a really good kind supportive victimized friend while SweetRhapsody glowered at me behind the camera. Then it was SweetRhapsody's turn to be interviewed and give her side of the story but nobody believed her and so we have her as the guilty one on tape!
But next week I think the entire class is using our tape to experiment with editing! And my face will be on screen for everyone to see! Aaaargh! Noooo!
I feel totally exhausted and claustrophobic! Like as if someone just stuffed me in a box and buried me alive and I've just spend the last few hours banging my head against the walls until someone finally let me out. And still recuperating.
Dragged myself out of bed at nine thirty and arrived in uni to suffocate in some totally stuffy room while some middle aged guy with long blonde hair shows us how to operate a video camera. It was fun, but trust me, it is no fun. After staring at a small screen for ages, on my feet with no breakfast and surrounded by people all around my elbows, I look up and realize that there are no windows, the door is closed, the ceiling is very, very close and completely padded, I start sweating, I start to feel the beginnings of hyperventilation, and very, very close to fainting. Not the happy fainting kind where I feel like I'm going to float across the room and fall asleep before I hit the floor, but the kind where I feel like I'm in a cramped coffin and the walls are rapidly closing in on me. I tried to focus on the camera but it was too much and I raced out, almost knocking the Curly Pumpkin who looked like a totally adorable little schoolgirl in her white socks and loafers and denim skirt today as she came into the room. Then I spend the next five minutes with my head between my knees while sitting on the grassy knoll outside the education building before going back to the stuffy room. Then, ten minutes later, I felt like I might just kill myself again. When the tutor suggested a group of us go outside to experiment with the video cam I was the first to second his idea.
And it was sooo much better outside and I got to be on camera while Louise interviewed me about the "friend abuse" which SweetRhapsody has always inflicted on me and I made a really good kind supportive victimized friend while SweetRhapsody glowered at me behind the camera. Then it was SweetRhapsody's turn to be interviewed and give her side of the story but nobody believed her and so we have her as the guilty one on tape!
But next week I think the entire class is using our tape to experiment with editing! And my face will be on screen for everyone to see! Aaaargh! Noooo!
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