Darkschunt 
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Today I saw Constantine with Joey! And it was so fun...I love love love movies like these with demons and angels sashaying around earth as if they were an occult group of vampires who write goth poetry and dress really well. Like Gabriel/Tilda Swinton and Midnite/Djimon Hounsou, both of whom also go around talking as if they were in a Shakespeare movie. Especially Gabriel/Tilda Swinton, who is totally androgynous and looks a little like Meryl Streep's angel character from Angels in America and appears in one scene in a gorgeous suit that I want and in another scene in a white outfit that looks half like Luke Skywalker and half like some flower child hippie from Forest Gump or something. And has cool blackish wings that I want too. And I also want Rachel Weisz's and Keanu Reeves's black and white suits too! And I want them both too...they're both gorgeous...sigh...trust me, any movie that lets you gaze on either Keanu Reeves's face or Rachel Weisz's face 95% percent of the time is a movie worth watching. And Keanu when he was young was just yummy. Like a troubled Johnny Depp. OH wait. Johnny Depp always was troubled. Nevermind.
But they should have explained things a bit more, like why did Rachel's twin commit suicide? I mean, there has to be some better reason then demons are chasing her, because they always did that her whole life anyway, and what's up with that talisman thing that the priest had, and then was given to Rachel, like WHY does it have the power to protect her? And why did the priest die???? What did he see???? And how did Keanu escape from hell that first time anyway? Just coming back to life like that doesn't really cut it for me. Lots of people come back to life after committing suicide. It's called Not Killing Yourself Properly.
And then, biggest surprise of all, Satan came to the Rescue in the end! Dressed in white and looking like some rich old Californian businessman, yakking about family and all.
And make sure you stay until all the credits have finished rolling because there was a surprise bit at the end! I heard about it on the radio today and I told Joey and Joey's friend and made them stay to watch it all the while hoping that the DJ was right and everyone had left by then except a few other people who had probably been listening to the radio as well this morning and the cinema workers were trying to get us to leave but we wouldn't leave and then - the credits came to an end and the surprise came! I won't tell you what it is - you have to go watch for yourself! ;)
And after the show was over, we sat outside Joey's house yakking, and two cats came by and I glanced out my window at them and they just stopped and stared back at me and I turned back to Joey and said, "hey look at the cats" and then I turned back and they were still staring and they just kept on staring at us with those eyes and at first Joey was like, "Where? What cats?" and I'm like "Right in front of you! C'mon, don't make me think I'm seeing things now, because those cats are downright creepy just staring at us like that! I don't want to be Constantine! Or Halle Berry in Catwoman! And most definitely not Catwoman!" And finally Joey spotted the cats. And they just kept staring at us until we ignored them and they disappeared.
Anyway, the whole time I was watching Constantine, I was like, "Does he have some kind of third eye or something?!???" His affliction sounds like a third eye like those Chinese who grow up their whole lives seeing ghosts and stuff like Haley Joel Osmont because their third eye was opened (apparently we all have third eyes only most of us have third eyes which are closed) and if they want to live a normal life they can pay a sensei or some traditional healer loads of money to close their third eye or subscribe them a strict diet or something to keep them from seeing the third eye. I know loads of people with opened third eyes and they live perfectly normal lives. They don't go killing themselves like Constantine!
There are an awful lot of fireworks these days! Everyday, nonstop! Are they going to blast them off throughout the entire fifteen days of Chinese New Year? I mean, fireworks are nice and all but everyday is just too much! And it gets kind of annoying after a while because we would be like watching TV indoors and suddenly all these blasts go off and we're just too lazy to go outside to check it out and besides, we're watching TV!!!! Fireworks everyday is pretty much... annoying.
And today's some sort of day of honor for the Head God or someone in Heaven. My next door neighbors who are from Taiwan had a whole roasted pig delivered to their house today and when I got back home after watching Constantine they had like these red candles and a whole display of stuff on a red clothed table outside their house and they were burning things. It's really cool, everytime there's a Chinese celebration they go all out on decorations and rituals and stuff. They all looked up as I came roaring in with my old Ford under the tree outside my house, and my other neighbor had left a whole pile of tree branches beside the tree so I just sort of rammed my car over the tree branches and one green branch got stuck in the bumper like a Druid broomstick and I had to bend over and yank it out and hope there was no pesticide on it!
Oh, apparently today the Hokkiens honor the God of the heavens because apparently he saved them, from who or what or how, I don't know but Bundles is finding out for me. And they have to put out offerings as well as sugarcane outside their door. And that's why there are so many fireworks today too. Pah, but there have been fireworks everyday since last week. I should have started an illegal firework business this year. Did you hear about the poor guy who got killed by a gigantic firework a couple of weeks ago? It was, like, huge, like bigger than a baby. And it didn't go off so he went over to inspect it and it blew up in his face. Lesson learnt: never go up to inspect a firework which may or may not go off. Spray it with water from miles away.
But they should have explained things a bit more, like why did Rachel's twin commit suicide? I mean, there has to be some better reason then demons are chasing her, because they always did that her whole life anyway, and what's up with that talisman thing that the priest had, and then was given to Rachel, like WHY does it have the power to protect her? And why did the priest die???? What did he see???? And how did Keanu escape from hell that first time anyway? Just coming back to life like that doesn't really cut it for me. Lots of people come back to life after committing suicide. It's called Not Killing Yourself Properly.
And then, biggest surprise of all, Satan came to the Rescue in the end! Dressed in white and looking like some rich old Californian businessman, yakking about family and all.
And make sure you stay until all the credits have finished rolling because there was a surprise bit at the end! I heard about it on the radio today and I told Joey and Joey's friend and made them stay to watch it all the while hoping that the DJ was right and everyone had left by then except a few other people who had probably been listening to the radio as well this morning and the cinema workers were trying to get us to leave but we wouldn't leave and then - the credits came to an end and the surprise came! I won't tell you what it is - you have to go watch for yourself! ;)
And after the show was over, we sat outside Joey's house yakking, and two cats came by and I glanced out my window at them and they just stopped and stared back at me and I turned back to Joey and said, "hey look at the cats" and then I turned back and they were still staring and they just kept on staring at us with those eyes and at first Joey was like, "Where? What cats?" and I'm like "Right in front of you! C'mon, don't make me think I'm seeing things now, because those cats are downright creepy just staring at us like that! I don't want to be Constantine! Or Halle Berry in Catwoman! And most definitely not Catwoman!" And finally Joey spotted the cats. And they just kept staring at us until we ignored them and they disappeared.
Anyway, the whole time I was watching Constantine, I was like, "Does he have some kind of third eye or something?!???" His affliction sounds like a third eye like those Chinese who grow up their whole lives seeing ghosts and stuff like Haley Joel Osmont because their third eye was opened (apparently we all have third eyes only most of us have third eyes which are closed) and if they want to live a normal life they can pay a sensei or some traditional healer loads of money to close their third eye or subscribe them a strict diet or something to keep them from seeing the third eye. I know loads of people with opened third eyes and they live perfectly normal lives. They don't go killing themselves like Constantine!
There are an awful lot of fireworks these days! Everyday, nonstop! Are they going to blast them off throughout the entire fifteen days of Chinese New Year? I mean, fireworks are nice and all but everyday is just too much! And it gets kind of annoying after a while because we would be like watching TV indoors and suddenly all these blasts go off and we're just too lazy to go outside to check it out and besides, we're watching TV!!!! Fireworks everyday is pretty much... annoying.
And today's some sort of day of honor for the Head God or someone in Heaven. My next door neighbors who are from Taiwan had a whole roasted pig delivered to their house today and when I got back home after watching Constantine they had like these red candles and a whole display of stuff on a red clothed table outside their house and they were burning things. It's really cool, everytime there's a Chinese celebration they go all out on decorations and rituals and stuff. They all looked up as I came roaring in with my old Ford under the tree outside my house, and my other neighbor had left a whole pile of tree branches beside the tree so I just sort of rammed my car over the tree branches and one green branch got stuck in the bumper like a Druid broomstick and I had to bend over and yank it out and hope there was no pesticide on it!
Oh, apparently today the Hokkiens honor the God of the heavens because apparently he saved them, from who or what or how, I don't know but Bundles is finding out for me. And they have to put out offerings as well as sugarcane outside their door. And that's why there are so many fireworks today too. Pah, but there have been fireworks everyday since last week. I should have started an illegal firework business this year. Did you hear about the poor guy who got killed by a gigantic firework a couple of weeks ago? It was, like, huge, like bigger than a baby. And it didn't go off so he went over to inspect it and it blew up in his face. Lesson learnt: never go up to inspect a firework which may or may not go off. Spray it with water from miles away.
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