Darkschunt 
Friday, March 12, 2004
The weather is getting warmer again...and it's gonna stay warmer for the next few days so it's time to break out the miniskirts before it gets colder later...
The moon is low in the sky. It's still big, but it's no longer completely full...her phase is going out...but she's still shining bright, even in the day. The moon is much closer to the earth in this part of the world. Back home she stays high in the sky.
A huge happy birthday for Joy, one of my closest and oldest friends in the world! Happy birthday, darling, and don't let the man get you down! (re:Luke's line from Empire Records). *Hugs and chocolates and Jack Daniels*
Last night something happened that caused this thought to occur to me: Guilt is far easier to carry than misery. Moping and being depressed and feeling wronged is worse than feeling like you've wronged someone else. At least, with guilt, you have a new sense of purpose, a reason to keep going until you've finally managed to obtain forgiveness from whoever or whatever you've felt you've wronged. But when you're miserable and depressed and lonely, you have nothing, no purpose whatsoever, and you feel like you want to kill yourself, to disappear from this world where no one cares about you.
Funny, I have always thought that self pity was easier to carry than guilt. Think of all the people in the world who actually loved feeling wronged and hated and self righteous. Or is this just selfishness on my part because when you're guilty you're hurting someone and not yourself? But I'd rather hurt myself than hurt anyone else...because it's easier. You know you can carry the pain and go on but can that someone else do that?
Letter from Marcus just arrived! He's having a good time haunting the ruins of Europe. Mingling with the past. Living it up in the night. Reminding me of the temptations in the outside world. Sigh. Why didn't I just take to the road instead of isolating myself?
The moon is low in the sky. It's still big, but it's no longer completely full...her phase is going out...but she's still shining bright, even in the day. The moon is much closer to the earth in this part of the world. Back home she stays high in the sky.
A huge happy birthday for Joy, one of my closest and oldest friends in the world! Happy birthday, darling, and don't let the man get you down! (re:Luke's line from Empire Records). *Hugs and chocolates and Jack Daniels*
Last night something happened that caused this thought to occur to me: Guilt is far easier to carry than misery. Moping and being depressed and feeling wronged is worse than feeling like you've wronged someone else. At least, with guilt, you have a new sense of purpose, a reason to keep going until you've finally managed to obtain forgiveness from whoever or whatever you've felt you've wronged. But when you're miserable and depressed and lonely, you have nothing, no purpose whatsoever, and you feel like you want to kill yourself, to disappear from this world where no one cares about you.
Funny, I have always thought that self pity was easier to carry than guilt. Think of all the people in the world who actually loved feeling wronged and hated and self righteous. Or is this just selfishness on my part because when you're guilty you're hurting someone and not yourself? But I'd rather hurt myself than hurt anyone else...because it's easier. You know you can carry the pain and go on but can that someone else do that?
Letter from Marcus just arrived! He's having a good time haunting the ruins of Europe. Mingling with the past. Living it up in the night. Reminding me of the temptations in the outside world. Sigh. Why didn't I just take to the road instead of isolating myself?
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